New Year, New Game.

Roll out that red carpet of New Years resolutions! But, you don’t have to wait for it to be a new year to start new goals. But, many many people make new years resolutions.

I’m going to recap on my last year, and my resolutions from last year.

My last years resolutions:
1. Get back to my healthy eating habits and water intake
2. Put more effort back into my appearance… I used to do my hair and makeup almost daily. It’s rare I do it now, because my self-esteem is so low
3. Get back to pre Hubs weight
4. Goal weight by July
5. More patient, less emotional reaction.
6. SAY NO
7. Pay of diddly debt
8. Live off cash
9. live in the moment
10. Get endurance and stamina back up
11. Work Butterfly guard
12. Work Guard
13. Less passive Jiu Jitsu
14. Blue belt by end of year

How did I Do?
1. This could have improved, and I went up in down with it. Needs improvement. 2. This took a dive. 3. Nope 4. Nope 5. Improved, but needs more. 6. YEP!  7. YEP! 8. Not quite 9. Improved, but needs more.  10. Need more 11. YEP! 12. YEP! 13. Yes! 14. Nope
Okay, so looking at this I might say.. “Well, this year was an epic fail. I barely met any of my goals.”

Though, that was my initial thought. I also thought to myself, “Damn, Kayla you went through a shit storm this year.” I was diagnosed with Sinus Bradycardia (low resting heart rate), HBP, and I was put on Anti-anxieties. The two latter are more recent. I saw my doctor more than I ever have this year. I started seeing a dietician, and I dabbled in my repairing my mental health.

Weight loss was not my primary focus this year, it shows but that’s okay. Until I can repair my relationship with food and with myself, my weight loss will never be sustainable. I learned this year that I basically have two eating disorders. I’ll eat, but if I eat too much, or eat unhealthy I’ll restrict, and it’s a vicious cycle of up and down. My body can’t keep up, and it can’t handle the stress I mentally and physically put it under. So, my cortisol levels are almost always high, which makes losing weight extremely difficult. 

I’ve had more anxiety attacks and anxiousness this year than I ever have in my life. It’s to the point where I hate being in public, and I’m terrified of anyone seeing me. Pretty silly right? But that’s the story my mind makes up in my head along with quite a few others. The attacks happen during Jiu Jitsu, and that is the main place they happen. However, they’re not ’caused’ by Jiu Jitsu. Jiu Jitsu elicits the fight or flight response in me and ha well, my poor self has been choosing flight especially when under stress and lack of sleep. Sometimes I’m just fine, and others not so much. This has been a huge issue for me this year, and two weeks ago I decided enough was enough and saw my doctor. And honestly, I’m really glad I did. It’s only been 2 weeks, but I do feel much better and more under control. I’m excited to also see a more permanent therapist in February. I’m looking forward to building my mental health much stronger this year. But also really excited to get back on my weight loss train. I’m working my mental health with professionals, and I know how the weight loss thing goes, and I’m confident this year will be successful. It might be slow, but I’m going to do it right!
This last year was a year of mental health, and inside physical health which is a huge component of ourselves.

This upcoming year I’ll have a lot of the same goals. Some different.

1. Build healthy relationship with myself- keep promises to myself.
2. Healthier Food choices – back on track to weight loss
3. Read and meditate every day
4. Live in the moment- cut down screen time
5. Less emotional reactions – Response vs. Reaction
6. Pay off more debt-stick to budget
7. Build Savings – Down payment for new car
8. Improve Jiu Jitsu- Roll more and drill harder
9. Build Calligraphy side hustle
10. Build more confidence in all aspects of my life.
I feel like these are very obtainable goals, maybe some a bit hefty. But Obtainable. My over the moon goal is to loose half my body weight. 😉 It’s going to be really hard. But really rewarding. I was 2019 to be the best year yet for myself and my husband. And it will.

What are your goals for this coming year? Are they mental? physical? Spiritual?

Let me know.
Let’s kick 2019’s ass.